BAHRAIN GRAND PRIX 2023

FP1

- did George’s name not come up in the title sequence?

- Lol lance Stroll hurt his wrist or something before testing but is back in the car for this weekend and there was a question of whether he would race this weekend

- All their pictures look weird

- Immediately they start on the SOMEHOW continuing news story of Hamilton’s nose ring and now he is claiming it would cause infection or disfigurement to remove it and the FIA is like NO

- The Ferrari wing is moving an amazing amount

- Sainz has a huge spin and is lucky he didn’t crash

Free Practice 2

- Oscar was racing someone on the straight and then Lance was in the way totally

- Oscar has an off and lockup

- They have Felipe Drugovich in the commentary box

- Yuki is released into Lando in the pit lane

Free Practice 3

- huge Alonso hype train

Qualifying

- RIGHT at the beginning, they let them out and as Charles is going on the straight, parts fly off his car and then at the corner too and then RED FLAG immediately. Apparently this is going to be a red flag heavy year

- First round of laps, Lance gets his time deleted for track limits lol

- Out in Q1: Sargeant, Gasly, Kevin, Piastri, Devries

- Lance missed the weigh bridge and had to be rolled back

- Out in Q2: Norris, Bottas, Zhou, Tsunoda, Albon

- Albon was having bad understeer issues so that’s why he’s last

- Charles shot to top spot at the end of q2 at the last minute!

- Charles is out of the car with 2 minutes left and it ends his qualifying early with him in second and it must be a technical thing but WHYYYY

- Max on pole!!! Then Sergio, then Charles without even going out again for a final lap and Sainz, Alonso, Russell, and Hamilton, Stroll

- Apparently there was NOTHING WRONG with Charles Ferrari and they decided to do it strategically because they wanted to save tires for the start UGHHH

Race

- Lance Stroll locks up and goes off in the formation lap lol

- Max keeps the lead and Charles gets into second

- The two Aaron martins touch and there’s contact!! Lance was fighting with george Russell and ended up hitting his teammate but NEARLY a puncture but they kept going

- There’s debris on the track from hulk getting hit and losing part of his wing

- Yellow flag in sector 2 for the debris

- 5/57 Charles locks up into the first corner

- 9/57 george is stuck behind hamilton and george radios ri ask if Lewis is managing pace or is he slow cause george is faster and they’re like he’s slow HAHAHH

- Max reports downshift problems

- Lando has an engine issue

- Hahaha Ocon was noted by stewards for being in the wrong grid position at the start

- Of course Hamilton gets to our first even though george is the one who called to go into the pits first

- 13/57 Alonso gets past George and they both did a great job

- Ferrari double stacks

- Piastri reports his gearbox is gone

- Ocon’s endplate is coming off

- Piastri comes in and they replace his steering wheel but the engine is gone and he isn’t going back out so first race for him is a retirement

- Everyone is going soft to hard tire but max is the only one who went soft soft

- Ocon gets a five second penalty

- Man right away McLaren is completely in shambles

- Ocon noted for serving the time penalty wrong hahaha

- They won’t tell Alonso who hit him in the beginning

- Now Ocon has a 10 second time penalty for doing his previous penalty wrong!

- 26/56 Perez passes Charles for second

- Now Ocon has been noted for speeding in the pit lane!! Hahahahah

- Now ANOTHER 5 second penalty for Ocon for speeding in the pit lane! Hahahaha this race should be renamed Ocon’s Reckoning

- Hamilton complains when they call him in for tires

- Aston Martin undercuts George Russell in the pits with Stroll

- 37/57 Alonso is chasing Hamilton!! Alonso goes to pass but his car steps out so has to do all the work over again and it’s a scrap for 5th and then totally goes down the inside at a crazy time to pass!

- Martin says Alonso and Hamilton aren’t friends since their year together in 2007! He says it’s personal

- Yikes Lando is still running behind Ocon even after all of Ocon’s penalties so McLaren is so

- Ocon complains he shouldn’t get these penalties because he has been doing these things his whole career and basically admitted to bad driving the whole time he’s been in f1

- 41/57 CHARLES PULLS OVER AND HAS TO RETIRE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AND VIRTUAL SAFETY CAR but not full safety car because Charles parked it so sensibly and this cost him the third place podium finish and now Sainz will probably get third. This is HEARTBREAKING

- Ocon retires after all that

- 44/57 Alonso is chasing Sainz for third!

- 46/57 Alonso gets into third!! YES! Alonso does appear to make contact with Sainz when they were scrapping but no one is sure

- Stroll goes off but keeps going

- Hulk noted for multiple track limits violations and he gets a five second time penalty but it won’t make a different cause he is second to last and last is Lando who is way behind

- Lando also gets a track limits black and white flag

- Max is 37 seconds clear of the next non Red Bull car out in front

- MAX WINS THE BAHRAIN GRAND PRIX! His first win in Bahrain ever! Then Sergio second and ALONSO gets third AHHHH WOWWWWW! Then Sainz, Hamilton, Stroll, Russell, Bot, Gasly, Alby!